She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
