My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
