Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
