I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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