Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
