He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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