I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
