Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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