I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
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