i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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