I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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