Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
