its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
