Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think people are normalizing furries
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
