Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
