according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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