I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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