We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
