i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
