My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
