i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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