you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
