I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
