i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
