We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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