I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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