Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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