I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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