Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
