I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
