Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
