i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Its about making memories worth repressing
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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