He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
