Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
