im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
