I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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