I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
this will be a night to untag.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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