Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
