Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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