why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
