found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
