i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
