I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
