Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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