I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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