He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
