i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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