So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
