last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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