Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just googled if crying burns calories
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have already put on my inside pants.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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