Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
