so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
