OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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