she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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